


The Before

by Winterfellsummerose17



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, Jon and Sansa Are Not Related, Past Abuse, Sansa-centric, hints of Jon Snow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-05-06 19:39:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14654784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winterfellsummerose17/pseuds/Winterfellsummerose17
Summary: Alayne Carya Stone wasn't always herself.She used to be Sansa Stark.But Sansa Stark no longer exists. She can't.





	1. Use Your parachute or You'll fall

“So you and Harry over?” Jon asked after chugging his cup of  beer. His voice was filled with something that Sansa couldn’t quite place a name to. Or maybe deep down she could. Who knew. Both of their minds were filled with dreams, lost chances, and alcohol. Yet, Sansa felt her stomach clinch. Her family and Jon still thought she had been with Harry. She dumped Harry two years ago during her second and last year at college. She couldn’t let them find out she quit school. She couldn’t tell them about Ramsay. She couldn’t let them know what he did to her. She didn’t want him to find her family. As far as Ramsay knew, she was Sansa Arryn from Vale, Georgia and a orphan.

After a brief moment, Sansa spoke up.

 “Yes. We’re over.” Sansa locked her eyes with Jon’s and felt his fingers slowly link in her’s.

“Good.” Jon nodded and Sansa rose an eyebrow.

“Why is that good?”

“No reason.” Jon smirked and Sansa felt her heart speeding up.

* * *

 

They stumbled into Jon’s bedroom and fell on the bed. Stripping everything away and just enjoying each other just like they used to in the good ol’ days before everything got so complicated. Sansa ran her hands through his curly hair wishing it last forever and ever. 

“Gods, I’ve missed you Sans.” Jon moaned in her neck. Sansa wrapped her legs tighter around his waist and gripped harder on his shoulders.

“I’ve missed you too Jon.” She breathily laughed. She heard him chuckle in her neck and his face soon hovered above hers. He ran his fingers through her hair. It was one of the best feelings Sansa had in awhile.

“Did I ever tell you that you look beautiful tonight?”

“Considering I probably have makeup smeared all over my face and my hair is a quite a mess, I would assume not.” She smiled and Jon rolled his eyes.

“You could be covered in the ugliest and smelliest things in the world, I would still think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

“Jon Aemon Snow! You are still the cheesiest twenty-three old man I have ever met.” Sansa began giggling. Jon placed his brooding face on to perhaps guilt her but it only made her laugh harder.

“We can’t have you laughing all night. We still need to catch up.” Jon smirked and slid his hand down to his one of his favorite places of Sansa’s body. The giggling soon stopped and the kissing from earlier, resumed.

No, Sansa and Jon would not be getting a lot of sleep tonight. But that was beyond fine.

After all, they needed to catch up on what they missed for years.

* * *

 

Sansa wanted to say  it was just a drunken one night stand with her ex she still loved. _But was it a mistake when almost every night of the summer, she had been with him just about anywhere they could find?  Was it a mistake when Jon took her to all their favorite places they had gone when they were younger? Was it a mistake while he slept, she said in her mind “I love you Jon Snow.”?_

Maybe it was. He broke her heart again at the end of the summer when he told her “I’ve been called to serve at the Night’s Watch again. This summer Sans, was amazing. I just…….I think we should go our separate ways.”  Sansa wanted to cry but she just nodded. She kissed him on the cheek and drove away listening to sad love songs.

Robb told her Jon was leaving but she stayed at home. She didn’t want to look at  those brown eyes, that made her feel they stared into her soul and knew all of her secrets. Her own father pleaded and Sansa slid off of her bed, gave him a soft smile and shook her head no.

* * *

 

Sansa stared at the ceiling for hours wondering if she should just call Jon to tell him that she isn't afraid and she  _lo........_

 _My phone's vibrating this late at night? Who'd text me at 4:30 in the morning?_  

With great caution, Sansa slowly rose the phone to her face and then her heart constricted at the all too familiar name.

* * *

 

 

 **“Please come home!!!!!!! I went to counseling. I promise Lysa , I’m better.”** -Ramsay.

Perhaps it was the lingering loneliness, heartbreak, and simple naivety that made Sansa go back to Ramsay.

What mistake she had made this time.

He was much worse than before. Sansa didn’t know how it was possible for a human to be so cruel. Sansa’s body was full of pain, covered in internal and external scars, and her emotions all over the place. Yet she didn’t want to go home again. She didn’t want to drag her family into this mess. She brought this upon herself, being the “stupid girl who never learns.” An asinine _compliment_ from Ramsay himself.

* * *

 

Sansa knew something was off when she missed her period two months in a row. She had missed a period before after Ramsay hurt her but never like this. She swallowed and walked up to the aisle of pregnancy tests. The moment of truth.

 _Pregnant_ **+**

Hot tears slid down Sansa’s face as she sank unto the floor.

“What am I going to do?” She murmured as she placed a hand on her bump that nestled Jon‘s baby.

_I can’t get rid of something of Jon and I…..I can’t stay with Ramsay…..I can’t let him hurt my baby. I need to find a way to leave. But I can’t go home. I can't let him harm my family._

* * *

 

Slowly but surely, Sansa began to pack things for her planned escape. She wanted to leave before she started showing. She would take a few things in her bag, taking them to Davos’ diner and hiding them in her office. She loved Davos’s dinner and wished she could stay but now she had her baby to think about.

One day, Davos called her over.

“Hello Sansa, how’s your morning been so far?”

“Pretty good Mr.Seaworth. How is Shireen?”

“Doing quite well. She’s been talking to this boy on that Facetime you young ones use for a while.”

“Oh a boy?” She rose an eyebrow.

“Yes. I’ve talked to him. He’s from Wintertown, Virginia. Loves hockey like I’ve never seen it. Wild, curly auburn hair.”

A pang stung Sansa’s heart.

“What is the boy’s name?”

“Rickon Stark.”

“Oh….okay.” Sansa nodded and began to turn away but Davos gently caught her elbow.

“Is everything alright Lysa?”

“Yes. I just...that name reminds me of….my family.” Sansa looked down to the ground and Davos smiled sadly.

After a beat, Davos spoke up again.

“....Sansa, the reason I called you over, I’ve noticed you’ve brought personal items to work.”

“Mr.Seaworth….I can explain….”

“Sansa, I promise you that your stuff can stay here safely. When you’re ready to go wherever you’re headed off to, stop by here and I can give your check.”

“Mr. Seaworth, you don’t have to…”

“I want to. You’re the hardest worker I’ve ever had. Besides, you’ll need something to keep you up before the baby arrives.”

“.....How did you know?”

“My wife has had six children. A man picks up on these things.”

“Do you think….” Sansa knew Mr. Seaworth knew somewhat of Ramsay.

“No.” Davos firmly stated.

* * *

As she packed her some shoes she smelt a pungent smell from the garage. _Maybe it’s just the hormones._ But the smell became unavoidable, so Sansa decided to take the risk to bring it up to Ramsay.

“Ramsay, there is this smell coming from the garage. I think you need to check it out.”

He gave a cold stare and came right close to her face.

“I’ll do whatever the hell I want.” He screamed, his breath reeking of stale beer. He began to raise a hand, Sansa steeled herself closing her eyes, and then heard a giant thud. When she opened her eyes again, her piece of garbage boyfriend laid on the hard floor, passed out.

What a miracle.

* * *

 

Sansa was just starting out on the road  when she heard a big _BOOM_ coming from the direction of the house. She pulled over and looked at the house. It was up in flames and Ramsay was lying on the floor.

_Oh Gods... It must’ve been a gas leak. He’s still in there.  Should I? Do it Sansa. Even though you hate him with all your might..Wait...Is that him walking out of the house?_

“SANSA! I can you, you evil witch!!!!!! You tried to kill me!” Ramsay’s voice screeched as he ran towards her.

Sansa quickly went into the car and speed away. She looked at mirror to see Ramsay still running before stopping to take a breath.

_Thank the Gods! I need to get rid of this car and all my cards._

* * *

Sansa drove for two days straight with little rest and finally ditched the car in a forest in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. She spent a week in a Motel and made herself a new debit card online after burning the old with the matches the owner Melisandre gave her. She told Sansa to re-burn the ashes.

“ _You want to make sure it never sprouts up again.”_ Sansa had a deep feeling Melisandre knew exactly what she was doing.

She looked at the motel computer and took a deep breath. She just received her Congratulations, You’re hired from Dragonstone Hotel. She’d be the new nightly cabaret singer for guests.

_Alayne Carya Stone. Sounds good. As soon as the plane lands in California, I will go to my new job and dye my hair…….Is that safe for the baby? I’ll have to ask a OB/GYN. Right now I need sleep._

* * *

Sansa gathered all her hair up in a cap and put sunglasses on. Her jeans were slightly tough to get on as her baby bump was growing daily. She looked sideways in the mirror and a soft smile played on her face.

_You’re the greatest gift I have in my life sweet one and I haven’t even met you yet. I promise to protect you with all m y body, heart and soul.”_

Sansa was brought by a soft knock on her door and opened it to see Melisandre holding a purse in her hand.

“Ready to go?”

“Yes, I’m excited to get a fresh start!” Sansa nodded and came out into the hallway.

“Remember to pick up your _things_ after you land. Book an appointment as soon as you can to check up on your _health._ Remember to _not forget your past_ and keep those you love near to your heart. Lastly, think of strong _names_ for your future endeavors.”

_Does she know about the baby….? I’m wearing my baggiest sweater…._

“I will. Thank you Melisandre for letting me stay here. As soon as I’m able I will send you money to repay you.”

“No need for that.”

“But…”

“But nothing. You were my guest at the beginning and now you feel like a daughter to me. Keep this purse and everything that’s in it. Promise me you will not open it until you’re in the air.”

“Whatever is in the purse, I don’t deserve it…..”  
“ _Alayne,_ you have been down a hard and ugly road for years. I would assume you’re about twenty one years old. I had a past similar to your’s. Without an older woman helping me, I don’t know where I would be now. I want you to live your best life and be filled with happiness. So please take this purse and seek help whenever you need it. It has been an honor to have you stay here.”

Hot tears slid down Sansa’s face. She hugged Melisandre tightly. It almost felt like her mother’s hug.

“Thank you for everything.”

“You’re welcome. Now go catch that plane!”

* * *

Sansa looked down at the purse and opened it. There was a brand new phone it in with a number attached. A few notebooks with a pack of pens. A musical note bracelet. Several gift cards to restaurants and clothing stores. A list of OB/GYN’s in California. A list of possible hair colors to go to, with a big star next to light blonde.  A stack of several hundred dollar bills.

_This is one of the nicest things someone has ever done for me but this is too...Wait is that a note?_

A small note on light blue paper that was addressed to her.

_Dear Alayne,_

_I know you think this is too much. I was not lying when I said you felt like a daughter to me. You remind me so much of myself when I was younger. Do not lose hope and have a bright future! I fully believe I see that for you. If you ever need to talk, do not hesitate to call!_

_-Melisandre_

_P.S. Send me pictures of the baby after it is born, I am beyond sure it will be a beauty!_

Sansa smiled to herself and kept the letter close to her chest. She was filled with hope. Something she hadn't allowed herself to feel for years.


	2. Chasing Fire or Rather Getting Rid of It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sansa arrives in California, with that comes big changes and surprises along the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title inspired by Chasing Fire by Lauv
> 
> Hello sweet readers!
> 
> I am sorry for not updating sooner, I have been kinda in funk :(. Hopefully I will updating more frequently for the next two weeks. 
> 
> Enjoy:)

Sansa walked off the plane and went straight to the bathroom. She took out her brown contacts out and cleaned them before putting them back in. It always gave her a strange rush seeing her eyes. She secretly envied Jon’s eyes. Brown eyes were vastly underappreciated. They had layers of mystery to them that blue eyes didn’t, which is exactly why she picked her contacts. 

Brown eyes with a hint of light blue specks in them. It gave her edge. Alayne was going to be edgier than “Sansa”. She wore dark colors and preferred black over anything. 

All that was left was the hair. Sansa didn’t want to dye her hair brown or black. It felt almost too dramatic……

_ Melisandre suggested light blonde. That would be a good change. It would look nice and not be too dramatic. I just need to find someone who’ll take a walk-in. _

* * *

 

“Hello Alayne, welcome to Storm End Salon! My name is Ros, I heard you wanted your hair dyed today. Why the change?” A short red haired woman came up to her with a friendly smile.

“I’ve always wanted to be blonde and I just got out of a bad relationship.” Sansa smiled.

“I totally get that. I dyed my hair pink after my ex Petyr dumped me for this crazy chic named Lysa.”

_ ……..Gods…...she dated my creepy step-uncle?....More so a win for her…. _

“Oh, I am terribly sorry.” 

“No worries. I’ve been talking to this guy online.”

“Really? Do you know his name?”

“Oh no. We’re going to wait until we meet in person. Right now he’s on mission, so it’s not safe for him to tell me his name.”

“I bet you’re excited to meet him.”   
“I am beyond happy. I’ve never felt this deeply for someone before. He understands me better than anyone else. He hasn’t judged me for my past.”

“Your past?”

“Before I became a hairdresser, I used to work in a stripper joint. That’s how I met my ex Petyr. He was the big boss. But the joint got robbed because he took horrible care of it. When he told me he was breaking up with me, he said he wanted a presentable woman to raise a family not a stripper with no future for herself.”

_ Sounds like creepyfinger….. _

“I am so sorry he said that to you.”   
“It hurt but it was somewhat true. I didn’t have much a future because I didn’t graduate high school. But it gave me fuel, I wanted to prove him wrong. I got my GED and I went to beauty school. I got my license in hairdressing and worked up the chain. I co-own this salon with Selyse Baratheon.”

“That’s really amazing!”

_ and Encouraging. _

“Thank you! Now let’s make you a blonde!”

* * *

 

“Woah…..it looks so different. I love it so much!” Sansa looked at her reflection. She couldn’t believe it. She was really becoming Alayne now.

“I’m glad you like it.” Ros smiled behind her and then took off Sansa’s cape.

“Thank you so much for this!” Sansa dug into her purse and handed Ros a one-hundred bill.

“......Oh Alayne this is too much….The dye job is only forty.” Ros’s eyes widened.

“No, I insist. You have no idea how much I appreciate this.” Sansa smiled and Ros’s eyes filled with sadness. Somehow she knew the bad relationship was much worse than  _ Alayne  _  was willing to let on.

“Thank you Alayne. I wish you the best future in California. Come by whenever you need touch-ups!” Ros smiled and hugged Sansa. 

_ Despite all the ugliness Sansa faced in this world, it always filled her soul with hope to find kind souls. _

“I definitely will and I am going to recommend you to everyone I meet!”

* * *

 

Sansa walked down a ways and finally called a Lyft. The Lyft driver was sweet. He introduced himself as Grenn. He told her he had been in the Night’s Watch for five years and Sansa resisted every urge within her to ask if he knew Jon.  _ Probably not...The Night’s Watch is  a fairly large operative base. _

“What made you quit?” Sansa asked after looking at the cheapest hotel prices. None were in her price range. 

“Eh. I wasn’t feeling it anymore. Too much inner drama between the ranks. I wanted to do something I enjoyed. I love driving and meeting new people, so this job is perfect for me. But I do miss my friends.” Grenn tapped on the wheel.

“What were their names and what were they like?”

“Sam, he was overweight. I was kinda perplexed on whatever possessed him to be in the Night’s Watch. He’s one of the kindest souls I’ve ever met. He’s one of those learner types too. Great medic, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s enrolled himself in medical school by now. He has his second child on the way with his wife Gilly. Pyp loves to sing. Can sing just about anything. I remember when his girlfriend Val heard him sing for the first time. She fell over herself  in the bar and after the singing, went up to ask him on a date. I’m pretty sure he’ll propose soon.. Then there’s Satin….”

“Wait….you have a friend named _Satin_?” 

“Yes.” Grenn chuckled. “His mother named him that because he was so soft as a baby. He had loads of people from all over flirting with him and giving him their number. I can’t remember how many numbers he has in his phone. Edd is a very funny and bitter man. He has a lot of wit and very sarcastic. He loves to laugh at all of us, especially Sam.”

Sansa smiled to herself. It sounded like a wonderful group of friends. She missed Jeyne, Mya, and Myranda. She wondered what they were doing with their lives now. She was swept up by memories of her teen years when Grenn’s voice spoke a name she knew well.

“Lastly, there’s Jon. He’s quite shy and kept to himself. But he’s a great leader. Youngest Captain to ever serve in the Night’s Watch in years. He’s very thoughtful and will do anything to help a friend. Fiercely protective. Loves to talk about back home.”

“Where’s he from?”

“Wintertown, Virginia.”

“Oh…….”   
“Oh? You know him?” Grenn looked over at her and she quickly shook her head. She couldn’t risk anyone she loved lives, especially with the possibility of Ramsay coming after her.

“Oh no. My friend Sansa knew him.”

“ _ Ooooooh. _ You know the famous Sansa?” Grenn smiled maniacally and Sansa rose an eyebrow.

“The famous Sansa?”

“Yes. Jon could never stop talking about her. He’s mad for her that’s certain.”

“Sansa told me she didn’t think he loved her.”   
“Jon’s shy and he has a hard time opening up to others. He told me he doesn’t think he’s good enough for her, which is complete madness.”

Sansa’s heart felt constricted. Jon didn’t think he was good enough for her? More she wasn’t good enough for him. How did this happen?

After a long silence, she spoke up again.

“Does he know what happened to her?”

“......No. What happened?”

“She was caught in a house explosion. They weren’t able to find a body.” Her voice broke and tears streamed down her face.

“Oh gods…...how recent was this?”

“Two weeks ago.”

“Have you told her family?” Grenn’s voice sounded grim and Sansa could barely stand to look at him.

“I...I never….I thought she was an orphan. I never knew she had an actual family.”

“She did….Jon said he loved her family. They were tight knit and loved each other strongly. They’re going to be…..and Jon’s going to be devastated to find this out.”

Grenn’s voice was full of pain for his best friend and Sansa felt horrible. But this was for their own good.

_ I can’t let them get hurt for my foolish mistakes. _

“When…..when you tell them say you heard it from the news. Sansa had a vengeful ex-boyfriend and I am scared of him……..I cannot let him find me.” Sansa began crying and Grenn pulled over the car. He held her for a few moments until the tears stopped.

“I promise I won’t tell them that I heard it from you. Should I tell them about the ex?”

“No. I assumed Sansa never told them about him because he’s an abusive monster. I told her she should leave and she almost did but it was too late.”

The rest of the ride was met with silence until Grenn asked if Sansa if she wanted something to eat before he drove her to the Dragonstone Hotel. She nodded vigorously.

* * *

 

Sansa sipped at her Oreo milkshake as the car slowly pulled up to the Dragonstone Hotel. It was different than most hotels she’d ever seen. It looked like a castle you would see in Europe.

_ Am I in a fairytale?  _ Sansa mused.

“Here we are Alayne. It’s been great getting to know ya.” Grenn had a soft smile on his face. Sansa dug in the purse and pulled out eighty dollars. Grenn’s eyes widened.

“No, no, no. I don’t deserve this Alayne…..” He was attempting to refuse  but Sansa wouldn’t let him.

“You comforted me when I cried and put up with my large order. It’s the least I can do.”

“But Alayne….”

“But nothing Grenn.” She began to hand him over the money and Grenn tried to take his slowly away from  it, when his elbow hit the horn.”

“Ah seven hells. I hate when I do that!” Grenn gruffed and Sansa resisted every urge to laugh. While he rolled his eyes, Sansa placed the money in the cupholder. She began to go out of the car, when a dark tanned girl with long black hair walked out of the Dragonstone  to look at the car. Sansa wished she could look that flawless.

“.....Is that who I think it is?” Grenn whispered and sunk lower in his seat.

“....Who do you think it is?” 

“Arianne Martell…..she’s…...oh gods…...ugh...she’s my...I don’t even know at this point. I cannot let her see me! I’m going to leave now. If you need me, you have my number. See you later, Alayne.” Grenn muttered and gestured for Sansa to leave the car. She quickly grabbed everything and got out of the car. Sansa waved at Grenn as he backed out of the driveway and onto the road again.

* * *

 

A knowing smile played on her face.  _ Oh man, Grenn’s got it bad. It reminds me Bran when he stumbled all over himself when he saw Meera in her homecoming dress. He had such a big smile on his face…… _

The thought made her full of sorrow. She would be never be with them again. See Bran with his sweet demeanor after reading a book. Watch Arya smirk after scoring a goal against a snotty goalie. Hear  Robb’s deep laugh after Theon huffing behind one of his conquests after calling her the wrong name-her twin sister’s. Smile at Rickon’s blue eyes widening at a pair of new hockey skates. Cry in Dad’s neck after his big arms hugged her after she told him she got a full ride music scholarship. Cuddle closer to Mom’s fingers running through her hair after Joffrey broke up with her. Jon’s brown eyes looking into her own, making her feel known and……..

_ No. I can’t think about that. That’s dead. Sansa Lyarra Stark is dead. Kill the girl and let Alayne be born. _

She felt a tap on her shoulder and saw Arianne. Arianne had a small yet kind smile on her face and held out her hand to shake Sansa’s. 

“Hello, my name is Arianne! I’m the  Dragonstone Event Coordinator. You must be the new cabaret singer Alayne! The boss absolutely loved your audition tape. She’s excited to meet you.”

“Hello, nice to meet you Arianne. I am excited to work here!” 

“Let’s go in and meet the boss. Then we can get you settled into your room.”

* * *

 

The inside of the hotel smelled like chocolate chip cookies. It almost felt like walking into Winterfell. Especially with the sound of giggling children coming closer towards her. Five boys ran out into the lobby chasing after one another. Laughing and calling each other names. It was precious. But then a short, blonde woman waddled into the lobby.

“Boys! I told you not to run in the lobby! If you do it again, you will not be allowed to go to Disneyland with your Dad!”

“But Mom…….” The tallest one with olive skin and long black hair whined.

“But nothing Rhaego Aerys Dothrak! You know better. You need to be a good example to your little brothers.”

“Yes Mom. I’m sorry.” Rhaego looked down at the ground. The petite yet very pregnant woman walked over to him and hugged him as tightly as she could. It was a sweet scene. Sansa tried to erase the memories of her own mother hugging her but failed to no avail. Thankfully, Arianne spoke up.

“Daenerys, our new cabaret singer Alayne just arrived a few minutes ago.”

“Oh hello,  It is so nice to finally meet you in person! My name is Daenerys Targaryen-Naharis, owner of this fine hotel.  I absolutely loved your audition tape.” Daenerys smiled.

Sansa smiled back and noticed a boy with light brown hair trying to wink at her. She tried her hardest to keep a straight face. But the Tullyness won out over the Starkness. Daenerys rose an eyebrow and then followed her gaze. She ruffled the boy’s hair and he groaned.

“Mama..…..I’m trying to impress the pretty girl.”

“I know.” Daenerys laughed and nodded to other boys to come closer.

“These are my all of my sons. Boys’ why don’t you introduce yourselves?”

“Hi. My name is Rhaego. I’m twelve….um I like Ironman and karate.” He re-introduced himself and then Dr. Lovestruck coughed.

“Hi! My name is Jorah. I’m ten. I named after Mama’s old friend.

I love music and every genre it has. Maybe we could sing together sometime. How old are you?”

“I’m twenty one.” A small smile appeared on Sansa’s face and Jorah sighed.

“In eleven years would you wait for me?”

_ How sweet…..but in eleven years I’ll be a mom to a pre-teen…..Oh I need to make an appoinment soon! _

“Alayne? Is everything alright?” Arianne asked.

“Oh yes! I just remembered I have to make an appointment with a doctor soon. I just want to check up on things.” Sansa smiled and Daenerys tilted her head.

“If you want, I can recommend you to a great doctor. His name is Dr. Luwin, he’s absolutely fantastic! His number is in my office, I can give it you it right now.”   
“That would be lovely, thank you so much!” Sansa began to follow Daenerys when they heard a collective “Ahem.” They turned around to see the youngest three boys looking at them. The older two went off somewhere with along with Arianne.

“Oh that’s right. The triplets didn’t get to introduce themselves. They’re seven and complete rascals.” Daenerys laughed.

“I’m not! I’m good, mama. My name is Maegor. Um….I like comic books. I’m going to be a Superhero.” The shortest boy out the three smiled. He had wavy dark brown hair and blue eyes covered by glasses, ending with  a face full of freckles.

“My name is Brynden. I like food….. No! I love food! Especially cupcakes!” The boy with cherubic cheeks and deep set dimples giggled. He looked just like his mother.

“I’m Barristan. I like the MMA fighters on the TV. I’m going to be the Dragonstone fighter. I know how to kick butt!” The tallest boy spoke full of confidence.  He had light brown hair with blue with hints of lilac in them.

_ They’re all so sweet.  _

Daenerys looked at her boys with loads of love and Sansa hoped she would love her baby just as much.

_ What if he/she looks like Jon? That would hurt……..but at least it would remind me of good memories. _

“Ready to go to my office?” Daenerys’s soft voice broke through Sansa’s thoughts and she nodded.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Recommendations*
> 
> Book: The Summer of Chasing Mermaids by Sarah Ockler
> 
> Song: I Like Me Better-Lauv
> 
> TV Show: The Mindy Project
> 
> You all are the best and you are greatly appreciated:)!
> 
> \--Winterfellsummerose17


	3. I Don't Know What It's Like To Be You But I'm Dying To

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon's POV - he finds out some truths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was heavily inspired by the song Like To Be You by Shawn Mendes ft. Julia Michaels

Jon laid back in his bed listening to that guy Sansa loved and begged him to go to a concert with her. Like the answer no ever came first in his mind. Anytime he got to spend with Sansa, was worth any headache from any guy who sung his heart out and Sansa always thinking the song was about her. But he liked this guy strangely enough. He wasn’t flashy. He was just himself on stage and Jon digged that.

_What was the guy’s name again…….? Oh yeah, Shawn Mendes.  I remember Sansa’s smile when I got her his albums. I miss that smile, forget that-I miss her._

Maybe it was the song, Like To Be You. Gods, the song hurt. He always sensed there was more to what was going in Sansa’s life than she was willing to reveal.

* * *

 Jon ran into Harry Hardyng when he finally left his music cave.  He had overheard him talking about recently graduating from King’s Landing University to a group of friends and Jon couldn’t help himself. He wanted to know how Harry was able to keep Sansa away from Wintertown for two long years.

But man….. did life throw plot twists at Jon Snow.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help but hearing that you went to King’s Landing University. Did you know a Sansa Stark?” Jon tried to give a good smile despite the jealousy filling his veins.

“...Sansa Stark? Yeah I knew her….um I dated her for two years and she dropped out of school. I haven’t seen her since sophomore year.” Harry’s eyes filled with concern and Jon felt his stomach drop.

“......Wait she dropped out of school and you haven’t seen her in two years?”

“Yeah it was completely shocking to me and everyone. She was the top vocalist in the school of Music. She had been on Dean’s List. I think it was that creepy guy that made her leave.”

“What creepy guy?”  
“Ramsay Bolton. Sansa had been tutoring him and I guess she started liking him over me. She told me that it wasn’t working anymore, she liked someone else. I told her to be careful and she gave me a small smile.”

“Oh okay…..”

“Do you know her?”

“Yeah…..she’s my best friend’s little sister…….”

_Liar, she’s so much more than that! You love her you idiot!_

“ _Oh….._ well I hope you’ll be able to find her and that she’s safe.” Harry’s eyes softened and Jon gave him a sad grin.

“Before I go…..do you know where Ramsay was from?”

“I think he was from Dreadfort, Florida.”

“Thank you.”

* * *

 Jon typed  Ramsay Bolton in his search bar  and Harry was right. He had a sinister look and the blue eyes felt like ice cold daggers to Jon’s soul. He perused through profiles Ramsay had set up and nothing came up of mentioning Sansa.

_I feel hopeless…...what if I never find her?.......She didn’t say goodbye and the number she gave me is no longer working……..what did He do to her?_

He shuddered. Something horrific happened to her. Jon leaned back and ran his hands through his hair.

“ _I love your hair Jon Snow, promise me you won’t shave it off.” Sansa kissed his cheek as she ran her fingers through his curls._

_“You know I can’t promise you that.”_

_“I know. But always remember I love your hair like this.”_

_“Why?” Jon laughed._

_“Because it feels nice in my hands and reminds me of home. Also it brings you and your sweet lips closer to my face.”_

_“And you accused me of being the cheesy one?”_

_“I learned from the best.”A bright smile played on her face and Jon didn’t think there could be anything more beautiful than that._

He scrolled down and an online news headline mentioning a  Ramsay Bolton interested him.

**BREAKING NEWS! LAST BOLTON HEIR RAMSAY BOLTON DIES IN FREAK ACCIDENT.**

**Bolton, 26, was found dead in the forest.  Three days after and 7 miles away from the recent explosion of his house. The Chief Medical Examiner Dr. Qyburn says that the young man died after being attacked by a pack of wolves. He also said that Bolton had a blood alcohol level of .225 in his system and if not for the wolves random attack- that the young man would have likely died from alcohol poisoning.**

**When reaching out for comments on the young man, we received a call from Mr. Davos Seaworth, who owns his own diner called Davos’s. He told us the young man was filled with a cruel spirit and horrible to everyone he met. He also told us to pray to find young woman named Sansa Arryn,  he said used to work for him and had been in a relationship with Ramsay. He says he believed she had been abused and hasn’t heard from her in weeks.**

**He described the young lady as tall about 5 “9”, with red hair and big blue eyes. Had a sweet demeanor and soft singing voice. One of the kindest souls you’ll meet.**

**If you might know where Sansa Arryn is, please try to help her and bring her to safety. Our thoughts are with the Seaworth family and whatever family members Sansa has out there.**

_Oh gods…….._

Jon began scrambling and then his phone rang.

Again life threw another cruel curveball at Jon Snow.

* * *

He picked up his phone, placing by his ear  and slid on his shoes. If he started driving now, maybe he would be at Georgia by night tomorrow.

“Hello?” Grenn’s  familiar voice sounded hoarse and Jon stopped.

“Hey Grenn…...is everything okay?”

“......No. I have something to tell you. Are you sitting down?” At that Jon sat down and his nerves began to shake.

“Yeah...now I am. What do you have to tell me?”  
“um…..I was driving today and I met this client who knew your Sansa.”

“That’s amazing!......wait _knew_?”

“Jon…..Sansa’s dead.”

“No…. no….. NO!  I just read a news article saying that she might be out there.”

“Man, I’m not lying. This girl was frightened out her mind. She told me that Sansa was abused by her boyfriend and that she died in a house explosion.” Grenn’s voice broke and tears streamed down Jon’s face. He hadn’t felt this much pain ever since his mom died.

“I’m so sorry Jon……I wish I could be there.”

“........do….do… Do you remember the girl’s name?”

“No...she told me she was scared that Ramsay would find her.”

“.....He’s dead! He was attacked by wolves....... what does it matter now?!”

“I can’t tell you. I respect her wishes.“

“I wish I could’ve seen them attack him or even better beat him myself.” Jon mumbled tearfully.

“Jon….”

“Grenn…….how am I going to tell her family?”Jon’s voice broke.

“I have no idea man…..do you want me to ring the boys and ask them to come?”

“......You don’t have to do that….”

“We’re brothers for life Jon, that’s what we are here for. To support one another in our happiest and saddest moments.”

“........thank you Grenn.” Jon whispered.

“I’ll be out there in a few days.”

“See you then.”

* * *

 

It felt wrong to listen to Shawn Mendes now. Jon wanted to tell them to stop playing the guy’s songs. But deep down he couldn’t. The songs reminded them of Sansa. So much of her.

Jon’s hands shook as he looked down out the pictures of her on the Stark dinner table. She looked stunning.

_“Oh Jon! Delete that picture, I look horrible.” Sansa reached over and tried to wrench Jon’s phone out of his hands._

_“Nope.” He laughed and stretched his hands out further from her._

_“Fine, you’re going to make me resort to plan B.”_

_“Plan B?”_

_“Yep.” She stared him down and began charging toward him. She dove and drug him down the ground, the both of them having fits of giggles._

_“I didn’t know you were that strong Sans.”_

_“I’ve got a lot of surprises under my belt Snow.” She attempted to steal the phone but Jon began tickling her._

_“Stop...stop… I can’t! Please I beg of you. I just want to delete that ugly picture of myself.” Sansa cried as she laughed but Jon stopped._

_“I don’t want to hear you call yourself ugly ever again. You’re beautiful, Sans.”_

_“Jon…..”She began and Jon pulled up the picture on his phone._

_“I love this picture of you. You look like a sun goddess here. Your hair is a mixture of reds, oranges, and golds. I adore the freckles on your nose. Don’t get me started on those pretty blue eyes.” Jon smiled and Sansa caressed his face._

_“Thank you Snow.”_

“How are you feeling Jon?” He turned around to see Catelyn giving him a sad smile. She had always felt like a second mom to him.

“I’ve been better…….how are you feeling?” He spoke softly.

“I feel at a loss. My oldest daughter is gone…. I never got to hug her one last time, see her get married, or give me grandchildren. I…..I wish I rewind time and never let her leave from home. I wish I could’ve protected her better from the horrible monsters in this world.”

“How could we know Cat?’ Ned placed an arm around his wife and she leaned into him.

A sad smile played on Jon’s face and the rest of the Stark siblings joined them to talk about their sweet Sansa.

* * *

In Jon’s dreams, he imagined Sansa and him happily together like her family. But that would never happen now. She was gone.

_If I could go back in time, I would’ve told her I loved her. Loved her so much that I wanted to marry her. Gods…..I’m such a fool…….Sans if you’re in heaven right now…..I’m sorry for my cowardice and I hope you’ll forgive me when I get there._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry:(
> 
> Things will be a bit lighter for the rest of The Before! 
> 
> You all are wonderful!  
> -Winterfellsummerose17
> 
> *Recommendations*
> 
> Book: Lady Midnight by Cassandra Clare
> 
> Song: O by Coldplay
> 
> TV Show: Riverdale

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed the first chapter, more to come soon!
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment or constructive criticism down below!
> 
> _____________________________________________________  
> For my fam feeling Jonsa withdrawals until 2019 +plus whenever GRRM releases the last two books:
> 
> TV Show Recommendation: On My Block - Great TV show with wonderful friendship dynamics with a sense of family, sweet ships, and an awesome soundtrack! (check out Parachute by AM!R)
> 
> Movie Recommendation: The Kissing Booth- Cheese fest but super cute. Also the love interest named Noah Flynn is beyond gorgeous.
> 
> Book Recommendation: Dumplin' by Julie Murphy
> 
> Have a fantastic day!  
> -Winterfellsummerose17


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